Old Movie

This is going to be irrelevant to what I want to say here actually but I remember one particular movie I had watched way way back when I was...er..a lil younger. It's a ghost movie and I am a bloody sucker for those. I wouldn't want to post any pictures if I can find it as it's being the chinese hungry ghost month..you wouldn't know who or what is watching over my shoulder right now looking at what I am typing. Brrrr...
This particular movie is about a ghost who can would detached her head from her body, fly around and prey on pregnant woman. She's very pretty though and if she gets cuts on her face or something, she would place her head on the dressing table and paint the so called scars....er...I just wonder how she see the scar though. It is still a belief in certain countries that this evil spirits exist.
Now I wish that I can do that but not to remove any scars or pimples or pigmentations but something else. I wish I could cut open my head and remove that bloody nerve thats causing migrains for the last one month!!!!! Then try and untangle those artery as well. A simpler way would be a hammer...LOL!!!! Problem solved!!!!!

ITAWTAW

Somethings or people simply just never change. Too bad I am the sort of person who hold on to what other says...as in what they wanna do and so on and it's a bad thing. My philosophy of the "If there's a will..there's a way" will always stand. If people are really genuine, they would really put not too much but at least try a lil effort. Making another's day a lil brighter cost nothing. It simply tells me what that person or persons exactly what me to think or see them to be.
It's simply not a nice thing to do at all.

Sneak Peek

It was a sneak preview......hehehehe

Dry Docking

*It's the final frontier.....a galaxy to explore...warp 6...make it so Mr Data!!!ooops!!!! Wrong seas!!!!
Ok..I can't brave the high seas for now. The ship's in total wreck and in dire need of big..and I really mean MAJOR repair. How long will it take..I have no idea at all. I'm gonna leave the ship in the hands of the professional.
Perhaps the crew and I will have to stay on land for the time being. Get proper supplies to get back to what we are good at.....pillage!!! Perhaps it is time that I stop anyway. Letting my crew have a place they can finally call home? Have a family and so on. As for me...I'm packing it up. Change my ways of being the evil wrench. Sell off my scimtar..my dagger and sword. Be a more subtle person rather than er...whatever I was. Climb up to the top of the mountain..shave my head and be a monk...... UNLIKELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So......what am I to do....dumdidumdidum.*

(Work seems to be pilling up in the office!! We have finally engaged a new admin girl to help out with the work. I am now being given the authority to delegate work to certain individuals. If they are not happy about it or thinks that she's a robot..I'll tell it on her face that she's a malfunction robot!!! Well the rest of the "crews" had seen the light of that certain individuals and I guess they felt the difference in tudes. All I do is just observe. Well the new girl is a young single parent. She has an alert mind but not an alert appearance. Who cares anyway as long as she gets the job done and so far for the past 5 days...she seems ok. I don't do trainning as I've said.. I observe and evaluate. We'll see what comes next.)

Yikes!!!!

Oh oh...here it comes... I'm doing it again!!!! This is what happen when I have too much things on my hands and mind and not time. When I do finally have a lil of it..here I go getting killed for my curiosities as I sort of make a cocktail out of everything. Too much colours that it turned yucky!! I know it is bad but at least it does release some astringent or mood swings or as simple as..the proverb..Curiosity killed the cat. I dunno really know how many lives I've used and how many I have left and I had better stop. Who know..the next curiosity might be my last one and if I be that cat again...it will be like I dig my own grave, put myself in it and bury myself.That literally speaking. A 'permanent death' which I would think some people out there would be looking foward to. Who would cry and who would thank the stars above? I just think..well..too loud I guess...that it is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest. There are more values anyone can evaluate. What anyone can do is either CAUSE CHANGE & LEAD, ACCEPT CHANGE & SURVIVE or RESIST CHANGE & DIE. But which wld anyone do? We are after all a product of our own situation...I think. But sometimes, we cannot or don't avoid on the bad things that had crept on to us...like FATE? But sometimes it is our own doings that ruined our own life, happiness or yadda yadda yadda. How? Well its simply the word, 'WRONG' that appears in front of another word. Like WRONG TIMING, WRONG PLACE, WRONG SPEECH, WRONG EMOTIONS, WRONG ACTIONS.. etc etc. There's no way of avoiding it even though how careful one can be. It is natural or what you called common reflex by any human being and I wonder if that is what that causes unhappiness. Can we blame ourselves for that? Or do we blame society, love one, family, friends, foes or GOD even for the predicament that we are in?

Illusion

The thought of trusting a power outside myself to help make my dream come true is definitely a threatening concept, especially if I'm so used to be in control or rather, used to the illusion of being in control. I belive like any others, I go through life trapped by another illusion, that uncaring, capricious fate determines my destiny. Shellshocked from some of the acutely miserable things that life throws my way. I am deeply afraid to believe that a loving, generous creative force supports my endeavours. I am afraid to trust that the same spirit that created the universe probably knows how to help me in some ways. Like mirrors in a carnival fun house that distort appearances, what I see with my own eyes is not real. I buy in to the illusion that external events possess the ultimate power to deny my dreams.
AND I WONDER WHY I AM SO UNHAPPY???!!!!!
I have to let go of the limiting illusions that have held me back from knowing that just to be alive is a grand thing. I have to suspend my disbelief. If only I could muster to experiment with a loving, supportive universe that embraces even the skeptics..which truly describes me!!
Don't misunderstand me for I do like living. I have sometime or all the time been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all...I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing even if it feels dead.

Nobody Knows

It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up. We will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Visiting old cemetary can be very illuminating. They are so still and silent...so quiet. Old cemeteries reminds us that until it is carved in stone, realising our heart's desire is still possible everyday if we recognise what it is that makes us happy. Visiting my grandfather's grave always have a great impact on me. His daughter, my mother, didn't really have a good relationship with him but he's my idol. It's the same between me & my father so basically my grandfather was my father. I would sit and say some prayers and then have a "secret" inner conversation with him.
What makes me happy are the simple things in life. Some people dread rains but I love it. Running or playing under it is fun for me. In other words, letting the inner child run wild for a while as I had matured early due to life's poverty and other circumstances. I still love stuffed toys as I never did have one when I was a kid. At the present moment, I have only 2 which I treasure, a unipegasus and a teddy clad in devil's outfit. There's one thing I would really be happy....apart from seeing others being happy...is to be acknowledge that I exist and I am ..alive..and I have feelings. Nothing drastic like attention seeking kind but a fellow human being.

Another Dream

I have had dreams of death lately and it just came to mind that if I had only forgotten future greatness and looked at the green things and the buildings. Reached out to those around me, smelled the air, ignore the forms and the self styled obligations, listen to the rain on the roof and put my arms around those who mean so much to me........I guess it's not too late. They may die before morning. I can't count the years I have been with them as it matters not. I can't say that I could be cheated if I didn't have them for another day. For all I know, I might have not deserve them for one minute...God knows.

And I may die before morning.

Few of us or me rather have consciously choose when I will die. I choose to accept death now. As of this moment I give up my "right" to live and I give my "right" to their lives.

But it's morning when I wake up to today. Within my hands is another day. Another day to listen, love, walk, see and glorify the day. I am here for another day...I think of those who aren't.

Tormented by Malum

MALUM hides not in shadows or darkness but in lies and deciet. Using kindness, trust, compassion and turning the good against themselves, so that the kind hearted fail to recognise the danger till it's too late. I am not saying I am kind hearted as I did spread my wings. I should have learnt my lesson that nothing is too good to be true. Nothing last forever. There's no truth in anything anymore. I have place faith beyond anything and yet again betrayal had been bestowed upon me. Perhaps it's due to my desperations to see goodness and sincererity in people that I know, love or dislike. Telling myself how I experience another person and adding arguements to support the correctness of my own views serves no purpose at all now. It requires no case at all as it's all been destroyed. What I'm writting now is probably junk anyway...so why am I still writting? I have no freaking idea at all. All I am saying that for all these while, I do find it almost..no.. not almost but utterly impossible to make a strong declarative statement in conversation without feeling doubts and reservations. Fear of offending the other due to the depth and powerful feelings. Its all changed now. I am not letting the table turned on me when it's not my mistake at all. The torment that was devised for me was just a simple lie that could have been avoided. The curse of such act made upon me by others that I have to live with.
You have done ill to me, friend, to betray my rights to be human and to call down my doom upon me on love, from which I will forever turn a blind eye on from hence on. If erasing me from any memory or existence gives you joy, health and wealth, so be it. Just give me what I asked for. Its a treasure that you had turn into junk.

Astonishing True

I can relate to this so much in my life and I guess to some others too. But it's certainly sad when a friendship turned sour due to betrayal. Why are people not honest with each other? Why do people go on hurting another for their own happiness? Shame on you for making this particular wrench cry in the dark.

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon thy brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, to deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep—while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Dying Flower

Dying petals lying on the windowsill, blown there by the whispering wind,
Lost, Forgotten, Betrayed, Left to crumble into dust.

The whispering wind, poking prodding the dying petals,
come! come! play with me, dance with me, fly with me,

Petals stirring on the windowsill, ebbing, leaking energy,
life force diminishing. Yearning, towards the promise,
Particles of misty dreams remembered
dancing,
laughing,
playing,
with the whispering wind.

Memories remembered swirling twirling, lifting higher, higher
flying into the sun, driven by the whispering wind, kiss the petals.
Cruel heat of the burning sun, singed, betrayed, lost, falling to land here on the windowsill.

Dry petals, softly rustle, wistful hope,
Whispering wind prods one last time, no life here, disdainfully,
blows the petals off the windowsill, thoughtless, unfeeling, uncaring,
returns to the garden of fragrant living flowers.

No thought for those that were,
No thought for those that will be,
Rift of conscious
Rift of love,
Rift of compassion,
Knowing only pleasure,
Whirlwind blowing, laughing
teasing, carelessly striping the flowers
of their petals,
Thoughtless of the devastation left in it's wake
barren,
empty,
wasteland,
vanquished.

Destroyer, liar, betrayer, emptiness is your reward, whisper though you may,
none will hear you,
none will see you,
none will listen,
none will care,
Alone
Alone
Alone
So it will be,

Futures gained, futures lost, come claim your just reward, for you have earned this,
Live
and be
Alone
Alone
Alone
Your destiny is written
by your acts and deeds
So be it from this day forward,
Alone,
No one to hear you,
No one to see you,
No one to care,
As it is written so it shall be.

What Hath Doth Done

Within the deepest dark of night there on wings of black I flee, seeking refuge from the light. Oh fearful I, fleeing from thy love, that oh those hazel blue eyes that seek my soul to bring into the light of life. For I have lived a living death hidden in this lightless place. Now you offer love that seeks to carry me into the light. Echoes and echoes of words I heard, lies all that wound me through and through. Should I believe thee now, thou with words of love that seek to hurl me once more into the living world. Oh I was filled with joy but yet fearful. I, should I trust thee, with my heart, for I am bleeding still from wounds inflicted by words and promises that came to naught by thee?
Thy smile, thy voice, thy eyes is blinding so full of light, and so I hid here within the darkness, I hear thy words beckoning me dare I trust, Oh my soul at peril, I say ...YES...I WANT TO........
But...alas!!!!! Thy broke the tradition of love. Thy broke the faith I have in love.
Why doth thy light up the candle and only to blow the only flame away halfway? Thy hath let go of my hand in the dark after walking halfway. Thy left me in the dark. Not only darkness but with thorns and quicksand along the darkened path.
What hath I done to thee to deserve this when I gave thy everything?
Has it been a game all this while for thee? Thou keep secrets, and speaks untruth.
I know not what is truth or what are lies anymore.
I hath over and over again speak to thee...I am of flesh and blood..I do feel pain.
Again I'm drowning in the sea of betrayal. It's how my life was set to be. I should hath known better but I was blind. Blinded by that sweet as honey four letter word.
I should have stick to my principle that love doesn't exist. People are noth who they art or what they appear to be whilst I have been truly honest and sincere.
Thy hath slain me.

Donut Master

Found this shop and see what they have in stall.........whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! Can neva get enuf..can neva get enuf..can neva neva neva get enuf......

My Little Furries

RIP

My GORGEOUS!! They killed her!! Waaaaaa!! Never again I'm getting a pet fish. This is the 2nd Lohan I had and both died. Now there's this 6' empty dry fish tank taking up the space in the office warehouse....hehe..shld I fill it up with soil and serve it as a flower bed? Hehehehe.

A little bit of time.

Ahoi!!!!!!!!! My ship is a wreck!!!! My crews have gone screwed!!! Vain man had gone for hols and 1 AWOL!!! 2 can't read, 1 sloppy the rest are around but never around!! Vessel steered in the right wind direction with loads of islands to plunder!! (WORK!!) The internet won't get any connection till next week and the pc is giving hell!!! What a way to start at the new office!!! Oh..oh...they killed my lohan GORGEOUS!!!!! I'm going to poison those involve slowly.......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
Well at least I made that 1 rule which is practical..no smoking in my office. Anyone who comes in with a lighted ciggy are being chased out by me. I don't care who it was even if it's the big boss himself!! Bwahahahaha!! And today I've cleaned up the floor and placed my slippers outside the automated slidding glass door on purpose. Before anyone comes in..they have to take off their shoes!!! Hahahahahahaha!!! I think they are getting headaches with me being meticulous. Someone has to I guess.
As for my recent business trip..I've got loads more pic to post. But in the mean time..since I saw those cats in beab's blog..I'll put up my cats!!!
Anyway CONGRATULATIONS to JOE & MEEDA on walking down the aisle!!!