Weather

It's gonna be a perfect day today. It's bright with a promise of sunshine when I head off to work. It's such a comforting self assurance when you know that weather are only predicted and the forecast is somehow has the accurancy of 50/50. Singapore do have her very own confused weather but not as bad as UK. I dare to say that country has the most chaotic weather. It'll be warm and sunny for 5 minutes and the next thing you know...er.rap tap tap tap comes the rain. We don't have all the four season and I am truly glad for that. At least its a good excuse to travel abroad to "experience" the winter and so on. The difference for being in the almost equater is the humidity. Even if it rains...one can still go outside and let out the inner child. Ok...I would have to speak for myself on that one. Mimi had spurt out her tea when I told her that one can easily commit suicide in UK. Just stay out in the rain or out all night without any warm clothings and there will be no foul plays. Pneunomia (bloody spell check!!!) Die of natural causes..bwahahahahaha. But it will definitely question the state on mind when doing so. Who is sane these days anyway? It just seems like a good idea at that time?

Easier said than done

There's a time whereby you get extremely emotional and sentimental. Love songs makes
you angry and cry at the same time. Memories comes flooding in of sweet and bitter. And the bloody weather is not kind at all. It rained most of the time. Even though I love rain but too much of it is not really good. It just gets to your core of that miserable feelings. You cannot shake it off no matter what you do or how hard you try. You will begin to track down on things that went wrong even though you try to look on the brighter side of life. No humans are flawless in their everyday run of life. I won't say I regret on things that had happen be it of an adventure or mishaps. Things always do happen for reason or reasons as the saying goes. But at this moment, I just wish that things are a little different. I know that nobody can change the destiny line but if just by thinking about it can ease the heart & soul for a mere second, I'll do it everyday.
Everyone in the universe wishes for happiness and so would I. I would like to add up some of the so called much sought after C's. But mine is a little different and a little easier said than done actually. Compassion, Considerations, Common Sense...er can I add Cookies and Cream too? They are still C's..LOL!!!!
Anyway...it's jibberish again and I blame it on the rain and missing something in my life. Don't take it the wrong way though...I have almost everything any living ordinary woman would die for and I am thankful...but it lacks of one small tiny detail that would have made so much difference. Some would say.."Stop complaining and enjoy!!!" Like I have said...easier said than done. Whats the point of having everything when you are not happy.

Damage Assesments

Accessing datas..................................................................

Old Movie

This is going to be irrelevant to what I want to say here actually but I remember one particular movie I had watched way way back when I was...er..a lil younger. It's a ghost movie and I am a bloody sucker for those. I wouldn't want to post any pictures if I can find it as it's being the chinese hungry ghost month..you wouldn't know who or what is watching over my shoulder right now looking at what I am typing. Brrrr...
This particular movie is about a ghost who can would detached her head from her body, fly around and prey on pregnant woman. She's very pretty though and if she gets cuts on her face or something, she would place her head on the dressing table and paint the so called scars....er...I just wonder how she see the scar though. It is still a belief in certain countries that this evil spirits exist.
Now I wish that I can do that but not to remove any scars or pimples or pigmentations but something else. I wish I could cut open my head and remove that bloody nerve thats causing migrains for the last one month!!!!! Then try and untangle those artery as well. A simpler way would be a hammer...LOL!!!! Problem solved!!!!!

ITAWTAW

Somethings or people simply just never change. Too bad I am the sort of person who hold on to what other says...as in what they wanna do and so on and it's a bad thing. My philosophy of the "If there's a will..there's a way" will always stand. If people are really genuine, they would really put not too much but at least try a lil effort. Making another's day a lil brighter cost nothing. It simply tells me what that person or persons exactly what me to think or see them to be.
It's simply not a nice thing to do at all.

Sneak Peek

It was a sneak preview......hehehehe

Dry Docking

*It's the final frontier.....a galaxy to explore...warp 6...make it so Mr Data!!!ooops!!!! Wrong seas!!!!
Ok..I can't brave the high seas for now. The ship's in total wreck and in dire need of big..and I really mean MAJOR repair. How long will it take..I have no idea at all. I'm gonna leave the ship in the hands of the professional.
Perhaps the crew and I will have to stay on land for the time being. Get proper supplies to get back to what we are good at.....pillage!!! Perhaps it is time that I stop anyway. Letting my crew have a place they can finally call home? Have a family and so on. As for me...I'm packing it up. Change my ways of being the evil wrench. Sell off my scimtar..my dagger and sword. Be a more subtle person rather than er...whatever I was. Climb up to the top of the mountain..shave my head and be a monk...... UNLIKELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So......what am I to do....dumdidumdidum.*

(Work seems to be pilling up in the office!! We have finally engaged a new admin girl to help out with the work. I am now being given the authority to delegate work to certain individuals. If they are not happy about it or thinks that she's a robot..I'll tell it on her face that she's a malfunction robot!!! Well the rest of the "crews" had seen the light of that certain individuals and I guess they felt the difference in tudes. All I do is just observe. Well the new girl is a young single parent. She has an alert mind but not an alert appearance. Who cares anyway as long as she gets the job done and so far for the past 5 days...she seems ok. I don't do trainning as I've said.. I observe and evaluate. We'll see what comes next.)

Yikes!!!!

Oh oh...here it comes... I'm doing it again!!!! This is what happen when I have too much things on my hands and mind and not time. When I do finally have a lil of it..here I go getting killed for my curiosities as I sort of make a cocktail out of everything. Too much colours that it turned yucky!! I know it is bad but at least it does release some astringent or mood swings or as simple as..the proverb..Curiosity killed the cat. I dunno really know how many lives I've used and how many I have left and I had better stop. Who know..the next curiosity might be my last one and if I be that cat again...it will be like I dig my own grave, put myself in it and bury myself.That literally speaking. A 'permanent death' which I would think some people out there would be looking foward to. Who would cry and who would thank the stars above? I just think..well..too loud I guess...that it is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest. There are more values anyone can evaluate. What anyone can do is either CAUSE CHANGE & LEAD, ACCEPT CHANGE & SURVIVE or RESIST CHANGE & DIE. But which wld anyone do? We are after all a product of our own situation...I think. But sometimes, we cannot or don't avoid on the bad things that had crept on to us...like FATE? But sometimes it is our own doings that ruined our own life, happiness or yadda yadda yadda. How? Well its simply the word, 'WRONG' that appears in front of another word. Like WRONG TIMING, WRONG PLACE, WRONG SPEECH, WRONG EMOTIONS, WRONG ACTIONS.. etc etc. There's no way of avoiding it even though how careful one can be. It is natural or what you called common reflex by any human being and I wonder if that is what that causes unhappiness. Can we blame ourselves for that? Or do we blame society, love one, family, friends, foes or GOD even for the predicament that we are in?

Illusion

The thought of trusting a power outside myself to help make my dream come true is definitely a threatening concept, especially if I'm so used to be in control or rather, used to the illusion of being in control. I belive like any others, I go through life trapped by another illusion, that uncaring, capricious fate determines my destiny. Shellshocked from some of the acutely miserable things that life throws my way. I am deeply afraid to believe that a loving, generous creative force supports my endeavours. I am afraid to trust that the same spirit that created the universe probably knows how to help me in some ways. Like mirrors in a carnival fun house that distort appearances, what I see with my own eyes is not real. I buy in to the illusion that external events possess the ultimate power to deny my dreams.
AND I WONDER WHY I AM SO UNHAPPY???!!!!!
I have to let go of the limiting illusions that have held me back from knowing that just to be alive is a grand thing. I have to suspend my disbelief. If only I could muster to experiment with a loving, supportive universe that embraces even the skeptics..which truly describes me!!
Don't misunderstand me for I do like living. I have sometime or all the time been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all...I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing even if it feels dead.

Nobody Knows

It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up. We will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. Visiting old cemetary can be very illuminating. They are so still and silent...so quiet. Old cemeteries reminds us that until it is carved in stone, realising our heart's desire is still possible everyday if we recognise what it is that makes us happy. Visiting my grandfather's grave always have a great impact on me. His daughter, my mother, didn't really have a good relationship with him but he's my idol. It's the same between me & my father so basically my grandfather was my father. I would sit and say some prayers and then have a "secret" inner conversation with him.
What makes me happy are the simple things in life. Some people dread rains but I love it. Running or playing under it is fun for me. In other words, letting the inner child run wild for a while as I had matured early due to life's poverty and other circumstances. I still love stuffed toys as I never did have one when I was a kid. At the present moment, I have only 2 which I treasure, a unipegasus and a teddy clad in devil's outfit. There's one thing I would really be happy....apart from seeing others being happy...is to be acknowledge that I exist and I am ..alive..and I have feelings. Nothing drastic like attention seeking kind but a fellow human being.